It's been a week. One of those weeks. Awful, dreadful week.
I won't elaborate excessively here but a lot of things came full-circle for me in the past few days, in a more violent and sudden manner than I had hoped. Girl troubles will bring you to that level, but I'm having a hard time finding comfort in that while people that are close to me are most likely rather miffed, and rightfully so.
You know when you're in such a rut, that rut swallows your life whole and you lose sight of the fact that just maybe you do have a choice in the matter? I've been in a rut so big I guess I've just been mistaking it for the whole wide world.
Everything became uncomfortably clear after a few good cries (god it feels good sometimes), and it's all very obvious to me now that I've been sacrificing what I really want just to maintain a sense of stability.
Losing stability scares the fuck out of me. It's a pretty deep-rooted thing that only took hold about the time that I'd been back in the states for a few years. I have trouble understanding why I was able to sever all ties, pack my shit in a bag and jet off to Japan without a second thought when I was 18...and yet somehow at 28 I feel like looking for a different job yanks the earth straight out from underneath me.
Weird.
And not ok anymore. So the silver lining in all of this is that I've decided to make a move. To consider more doors open, to question why I've felt such a lack of possibility in the first place. I'm feeling better about things already.
And that is all for now regarding my annual existential crisis.
In other news, my apartment building appears to be flooding from the inside out. Great rivers gushing from the washing machine across the hall. GUSHING. It was a good thing though, since the maintenance crew was already here cleaning that up when my bathroom ceiling started raining. They are still in front of my door with their giant wet-dry vacs and space heaters cleaning up the atrocity. And thus I can not escape for a cigarette.
And the beat goes on.
Image via Google. Raise your hand if you have pondered this before. I thought it was pretty dead-on.
I won't elaborate excessively here but a lot of things came full-circle for me in the past few days, in a more violent and sudden manner than I had hoped. Girl troubles will bring you to that level, but I'm having a hard time finding comfort in that while people that are close to me are most likely rather miffed, and rightfully so.
You know when you're in such a rut, that rut swallows your life whole and you lose sight of the fact that just maybe you do have a choice in the matter? I've been in a rut so big I guess I've just been mistaking it for the whole wide world.
Everything became uncomfortably clear after a few good cries (god it feels good sometimes), and it's all very obvious to me now that I've been sacrificing what I really want just to maintain a sense of stability.
Losing stability scares the fuck out of me. It's a pretty deep-rooted thing that only took hold about the time that I'd been back in the states for a few years. I have trouble understanding why I was able to sever all ties, pack my shit in a bag and jet off to Japan without a second thought when I was 18...and yet somehow at 28 I feel like looking for a different job yanks the earth straight out from underneath me.
Weird.
And not ok anymore. So the silver lining in all of this is that I've decided to make a move. To consider more doors open, to question why I've felt such a lack of possibility in the first place. I'm feeling better about things already.
And that is all for now regarding my annual existential crisis.
And the beat goes on.
Image via Google. Raise your hand if you have pondered this before. I thought it was pretty dead-on.
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