guanabana

As the exciting plot-line of my life continues to push forward...

Today I went to Target in search of yet another single serving Lean Cuisine and yogurt.

Which was all dullness and boredom until I discovered there was yet another exotic fruit that I had never heard of: GUANABANA:

Which is super-fun to say.  Judging from the picture on the package I assumed it was a massively sugared down version of the Thai Dorian (Smells like hell and feet) fruit. And yet, apparently the two are not related in any way.

It amazes me at this age that there are still fruits I am not aware of. It shouldn't amaze me. But it does.  Either way, I'm looking forward to breakfast tomorrow like a road trip to a city I've never been to..only at least 90% less exciting unless this fruit is going to be an alien, out of body experience. Which I doubt. Because I bought it at Target.  However, there's always that question of 

"But can it cure hangovers?"

Also, tonight I drew a hand-made card to my M-Class Delta brothers and sisters.

I miss them to a heart-wrenching extent. I really, really do.

In retrospect, Delta FA training was one of the most exhausting and stressful, yet interesting, challenging, rewarding and incredibly fun things I have ever had the honor of being a part of.

In the end, even though the job wasn't a good fit for me I regret nothing.

And that is because of the priceless friendships I made.  I have nothing but good memories and extreme gratitude.

Meanwhile, while they're all ping-ponging about the globe I've been home enjoying things like:

A- The feeling of still warm sheets fresh out of the dryer...

B- The idea of falling in Love.  As well put by Lykke Li:

And that's all I've got for tonight.

Without Equal

I've been having trouble coming up with entries partially due to the fact that I've been stuck on the idea of making each post about a particular topic which coordinates with certain pictures.

I'm giving up on that, because it's not working to any extent. My brain is pretty much lashing out against any sort of organizational effort as of late.  It could be called "laziness" or "getting old", but I prefer "having a knack for the abstract". (<--Bullshit I just made up).

Anyway, this is MY blog and I'll be all over the map if I feel like it. And switch between languages as I see fit, damn it. More than half of my readers are from Russia anyway (why?), and probably won't notice any difference. On that note:

 Today I purchased a $22 set of 3-D opaque gel pens from Japan.

On the ride home, in the dark and in the rain I realized that it would have been far wiser to invest in new windshield wipers as my current ones do a great job of smearing instead of clearing, creating a kaleidoscope of inevitable death.

But at least before that happens I'll have the means to create 3D pastel doodles on non-porous surfaces.

I will write my will and testament with these. Maybe on my windshield, to be ironic.  If it shatters upon impact, consider the intricate puzzle as my last gift to you all.
(Clue: Liz gets all my shoes.)

I've been in the mood for creative projects lately, although I've had a tough time channeling that into actual productivity aside from baking. I'm thinking it's because my imagination is rusty. Baking can only allow for so much imagination before it all goes horribly awry (like most/all things in my life, I've learned this the hard way), so it's a good outlet when I feel the need to make things with my hands while lacking a concept or solid purpose.
Dessert always has a purpose. FACT: Somewhere, someone you know is always wanting for cake.
 This is job security.

Banana-Chocolate Chip-Peanut Butter Bread Pudding.
Flavor concept by Patrick, put into motion by me and Ellliot's recipe which I kind of basterdized, since he wasn't working at the cafe on Saturday.  It's OK though, by now he must surely understand that I have an inherent need to screw with things that aren't broken.

Gluten-Free Buttercream Stuffed Brownies. Smothered in ganache and nonpareils.

Nonpareils fascinate me in the same way that NASA photographs of distant galaxies do. On a much smaller level. (I do realize that the cosmos are a far more mind-bending, impressive matter).

In French, nonpareil literally means "without equal". I get this. I think I would like to make a giant painting of just straight up nonpareils. If you can't relate just go to your local supermarket, buy a jar and stare at them for a few hours.

If all of the fuzzy and warm emotions that I experience on a daily basis as a result of interaction with friends, kittens, loved ones and general happiness had a physical form, they would probably look something like nonpareils.

Another source of excitement for me would be the onset of fall. Which seems rather overdue, but then again I'm not quite ready for another New England winter, so I'll take it as it comes.

As of this week I've finally been able to break out the knit hats.  And more importantly, over the knee socks:

And autumn-appropriate high heels:

And for additional warmth, we've got this gentleman hanging around:

Who rocks the Delta apron far better than I can.  And apparently has a following in Siberia, so this blog may just have gotten that much closer to becoming an Eastern European sensation.
惚れてます。

私の普通の幸せ

It's been an incredible while since I've last posted. I've needed a bit of time to gather my thoughts and feelings regarding all of the drastic changes that have happened in the last few months, I suppose. It took me a while to find enough equilibrium to write about it.  But I'm back. And here's what happened:

I went to Seattle, Los Angeles, Shannon Ireland, Las Vegas, Savannah, New Orleans, Detroit, Memphis, Prague, Raleigh, Dallas...all over the map. At least three dozen other various cities.

And in the end, I decided to resign.

Cue the "WHYYYYYY?!"s...

Answer: Because I was lonely for home and need to create things with my hands to be happy. 

 I am a simple person.

It's not that I don't have an interest in seeing the world (see moving to Japan at age 18).

It's just that from all of this I learned that more than spending 24 hours alone in a hotel room in Prague, I would rather take a cross-country road trip in a crappy van with my friends just once. Even if it took us two years to save up for, and we survived off of pringles and 7-11 hot dogs for a month.

In addition, I never realized how much I loved home until I couldn't have it any more.

Especially now as fall sets in, the smell of wood stoves, the leaves changing.  Being surrounded by miles of pine trees and clean air, being able to see the stars at night...My best summer moment was sitting on my friends porch in Providence while they played music and I pretended I was cool enough to be in the band:

This girl was not made for NYC.

She was made for baking cakes and cookies for dear friends, taking photographs of uneventful things, drawing and painting when she feels like it and writing about frivolous matters as best as she can.
She can also be good for karaoke (depending), dancing (most always in her mind), and interior decoration. See also building furniture and painting. Can also make a mean Mediterranean salad.

So in conclusion, here is an album of things that are making me incredibly happy as of late...mostly but not entirely related to having a room to call my own again:



Baking a cake for my sister's surgery party. (Gluten-Free for 50+ points)

Re-obtaining massive stiletto collection.

Baking gingersnaps for the first time ever with a good rock soundtrack.

Breakfast in bed, on a Saturday...

Re-raising my only surviving house plants. アボカドベイビー達。

Analog Toy カメラと派手なハイヒール。

 

本当に欲しかったのは日本の南瓜プリン。自分で作ってみるしかないよね、、、

 

いつか弾けるようになれるかな、楽器のCollection。この部屋にピアノもあります。サンシンから始めるべきですね。

 

そして机の上の普通な光景。

プラハのお土産。ロシアのカメラ。日本の小説。フランスの香水。

 

 変な人でも大事な友達を大切に。

幸せ！

The things I've learned. (#1, Boston is Best.)

Flying about for a living, one month in.

Holy God.

When I was in training, one of my instructors informed us that this job would likely change us. So far I have noticed the following:

1: Days of the week

In my previous life, this was a relevant issue.  The closer to Friday, the happier the day. End of story. Now the only reason I have to care is bus schedules. There are no days of the week anymore. Just five convenient days and two inconvenient days.

2: Hours of the day

At one time I was ignorant enough to think getting to bed at 1am after a night of fun and games and then having to wake up at 7am to shuttle food about whilst listening to Pandora radio, drinking diet coke and smoking freely in my little Toyota Corolla was an extreme misfortune.

Fast-forward to current reality:

Sleeping from 10pm to 1:30am, having only 20 minutes to flush the death from my face depending on how many other girls at the crash pad need the bathroom that early. Catching a 3:45am shuttle from La Guardia, which speeds through Manhattan over bumps and pot holes. You can not sleep for fear of getting a concussion. My only impression of Manhattan thus far is: CITIBANK, CITIBANK, DUANE READE, BAGELS, DUANE READE, BAGELS BAGELS BAGELS!!!! That is all I have seen of it. That, and the library/museum type building that makes a cameo in "I am Legend".

I might have been more excited about this if I were not headed to a 5:30am Newark standby. Maybe not.

3: I CAN SLEEP ANYWHERE. Seriously. Challenge me.

Gone are the days where I shied away from crashing on a friends hardwood floor with a single 12 year old twin fitted Power Rangers sheet and an anonymous beer soaked Celtics hoodie for a pillow. Crunched up in the passengers seat of a two-door sedan in a sketchy parking lot: I got this.

One of the most valuable lessons I have learned in this one month: Sleep when you can, sleep hard, 

SLEEP FOR THE WIN.

While it sounds tough, conversely I feel like I've never enjoyed sleep quite this much until now. And on an even more positive note, death has become at least 50% less scary to me. Because it's just like sleep, right? Who the hell doesn't want that? Forever? SIGN ME UP!!!!

At an LAX layover this month, I slept straight through a 3.5 earthquake.

This morning at Newark, I slept on a Lazyboy with a 5lb hardcover book on my face to block out the light, through at least three crew briefings happening three feet away from me. I think the only reason I woke up was due to the fact that my nose got caught in the spine of the book and I was on the edge of asphyxiation. Had it not been for the amazing globe-trotting benefits of this job and the wonderful people, I might have let it happen.  But I awoke, I conquered. Which basically means I switched to an eyemask regardless of how much it might mess up my eye makekup, and moved to the sleep room which I didn't know existed in Newark. All the while with giant grey ink stains on my forehead.  This is SURVIVAL.

4: The Value of Release to Report:

Or was it report to release...either way. On reserve days you are free game for scheduling. With my lack of seniority, I'm like a drunk driver on the 4th of July in a red Porsche going 120mph on route 3. 

THEY OWN ME.

So on reserve days, I've learned that it is important to call scheduling to lock in the trip that they've given you.

Even if it's Newark standby at 0530. Because then at the very least you know that they can't switch it up on you, and you have until approximately whichever hour to drink wine in order to put yourself to sleep as to wake up at the ridiculous hour they are demanding of you.  Release to Report = Securing my wine time.  This small step provides me with a small semblance of still having control over my own life.  

5: The Value of HOME:

I know this is because I'm just out of the gate after spending 2 months in Atlanta...but when I'm commuting home and see that Boston skyline I could literally die of happiness. Although it is probably

the easiest commute to the NY base, it's not so easy when you actually live in Carver, and still have not found the employee parking lot. This means the easiest way for me to get to Logan is the P&B bus, which has free parking but costs $20 one way. Ouch.

The value of seeing familiar faces, knowing where I'm going and being able to sleep in relatively late for at least a day is the best thing in the world to me right now. And oh, did I mention? The Bruins OWNED IT. I have never loved Boston so much in my life.

This doesn't nearly sum it up, but I've got another 5am report to deal with so it's time to shut things down. The good news is I get a layover in Hotlanta, which is my home down south. #1 Priority: Revisiting Joe's sports bar. 

Boston, wait for me. I'll be back soon.

JFKからあてのない手紙

一月１８日。成田からニューヨークのJFKまで。１３時間のフライト。もっと長かったかも知れない。

出発したのは朝。寝坊してしまったせい準備する時間は１５分。その中でちゃんとタバコ一本吸う時間を見つけたのは今でも不思議と思う。飛行機に間に合わなくても、とにかくタバコにとても相応しい朝だった。

悪癖って、だれでもあるさ。自分が喫煙者でよかったと思うときは決して多くない。でもその掃除されたばかりピカピカな台所の壁にじっともたれながら吸ったその一本のタバコは私にとって非常に貴重なものだった。最後の振り返えの時間だった。たった２分だけ。アパートの匂い。壁の色。ベランダの窓からゆっくりと注ぐ東京の薄い朝の光。あなたの顔。

Phillip Morris, ありがとう。

道に出て、足早に駅まで進む。自分の足元から目が離せない。頭の中は真っ白。真っ白の方がいい。

電車に乗っても真っ白。それ以外に受けている感触は電車の揺れと遣る瀬無い想い、だらしない無力感。

ドアが開けると「気をつけて」、、、

この世の中それ以上に意味のない言葉はないだろう。「頑張って」と同じぐらい。

「うん」。

頷いて電車を降りた。

振り向かずに一歩一歩。

階段下りて。改札を出て。バス亭を探して。バス亭を見つけて。バスに乗って。成田に着いて。

降りて。

飛行機に乗って。

Pushback。

着陸装置が地面から離れる瞬間。涙が流れ出す。目隠しの下からぽろぽろ落ちてゆく。

そして寝る。

着陸する。

乗り換えの便は結局５時間遅延。冷たい冬の雨が落ち続けている。何もかも鉛色に見える。

JFKのターミナル３。 天井から雨がキオスクに漏れている。室内にもハトが飛び回っている。たくさんの遅延のせい殆どの人は苛立っている。

あまりにもボストンに帰りたい。泣きたい気持ちもあるけど涙はもうどこに残ってない。とにかくバーガー食べて、何回も外に出て免税品のタバコを吸う。今回はAmerican Spirit。かなりきついブランドを選んでしまった。

外に出たらまたセキュリティーを通らなければならない。

７回以上靴を脱いで、液体とパソコンを鞄から出して、金属探知機を通った。そして漸くボストンに帰った。

元の仕事。元のアパート。元の不満。

分解された人生はそのまま私を待っていた。ただ一つ変わったのは新しくできた空白。くっきりと感じれる虚空。

二週間ほど何もしなかった。その時間はその最後のタバコと同じように、とても大事な時間だった。

あなたの代わりにウイスキー。

一緒の替わりに一人。

そして動き出した。

人生の完全崩壊。あなたが半分やってくれた。私はその仕事を終わらさないわけには行かなかった。

彼と別れ。

アパートを出て。

仕事辞めて。

とにかく動くんだ。どこにも留まらない。動き続ける。 そのほうがいい。

そしてたどり着いたのはニューヨークのJFK。

ちょうど五ヶ月後。

国際線スタンドバイ。よく同じところでタバコ吸ってる。

鳩は飛び続けている。

今日も雨。今日も皆苛立っている。すべてはグレー色。

縁について考える。

今日もその日振り向かえなかったことについて考える。

その方がよかった。

これからはとにかく飛び続く。

Halfway:

いよいよぉ！！！

気づいたら今週で訓練はもう半分過ぎてしまった！

あぁあはぁぁ。あぁ。

ぁ。

嬉しいような、ちょっと寂しいような複雑な気持ちです。

ボストンの友達に会いたくてたまらない。そして一日でも早くクラスの皆と空を飛びたくて、、、

一日でも早く日本へ飛びたくて、、、

これからの人生は本当にめちゃくちゃ楽しみにしてます。

昨日中間試験全員パスしたことをカラオケで祝うことに：

本当に信じられないほど良い人ばっかりです。

残りの半分も一所懸命やります！

アトランタに恋しちゃって、、、

アトランタに一目惚れしちゃいました：

ホテルの部屋から滑走路がよく見える。

M-2＋M-3クラス。みんな仲良し。

ちょっと自分にご褒美。キャビンアテンダントの仕事にピッタリな腕時計。

ボストンにあったんですか、このお茶？こっちに来て夜の寛ぎに欠かせないものとなった。

アトランタに着いて気づいたらもう二週間も経ちました。

その１４日間はとんでもない程長く感じるし、あっという間に過ぎたようにも感じる。

忙しくて時間の感覚が確実にズレてます。

キャビンアテンダントの仕事は外から見るよりずっと大変なもので、訓練は一言でいうと、、、

シンドイ。

一週間に休みの日は一つしかなくて、訓練の日は大体１０時間以上教室で過ごします。

教室には窓がないせい一日終わると妙に時差ぼけに似たような疲れ方をする。

でもそれにもかかわらず本当はめっちゃくちゃ楽しんでます。

先生たちもクラスメイトもみんな良い人ばっかり。

勉強が大変で脳が崩壊してしまいそうな時はみんな一緒。

出遭って間もないお互いを応援しあったり、助け合ったり、できる日に遊びまくったり、、、

なんか、もう本当に最高です。

不便なところは山ほどありますけどホテルの生活にもどんどん慣れてきました。何が不便というと：

１：買い物できません！ホテルは空港のどとなりにあって、コンビニ無し。モール無し。バー一軒と他のホテル以外には全くナニモありません！

２：ホテルのカフェーのサンドは不味すぎます！ 部屋では料理はもちろんできず、買い物に行くことも不可能。１０回以上このカフェーのサンドで不快な夜ご飯で我慢しました。

３：やっと洗濯機が空いてたら、乾燥機が壊れてます！ホテルには一台ずつ置いてあって、皆使ってるからなかなか空きません。今日漸く洗濯する暇できて早速Laundry Roomへ。すると、乾燥機使用不可能。まともに干せる場所もなし。（どんだけ探してもこの部屋にはホックとして使えるもの一つもない。可笑しいぐらいです。）

というわけで部屋は洗い立てパンツだらけです。

本当はもっと色々詳しく記録したいんだけどこれからは試験の勉強にかかります。明日はテスト。毎日テスト。テストテストテスト。
たまにはクタクタになるまで頑張ることもいいですよね。
はぁ。

Translation:

Far too lazy to bother with the English post-script tonight...but I will say that this is one of the worst jobs Google Translator has ever done on my blog.  And that is quite an impressive feat.  Anyway, I am loving Atlanta with all of my hearts hearts. <3